March 24, 2008
And more plenty stuff to blog about -
Some of you may recall a tidbit on this blog about a ManChild in my unit who had trouble with both swimming *and* ermmm....a...potty episode...
*more below the fold*
So there is this lad - (this is back @ Riley BTW)
(ADD moment - why is it that there are all sorts of MSRs and ASRs in theater named after cities in the US - such as "Tampa" or "Aspen" but the one named "Mobile" is pronounced “Moble” like the oil company instead of “Mobeel” like the costal city in Alabama???- END ADD MOMENT) -
So there is this lad - he is a monster and adept with weapons - in an almost scary way...but that is good for here...anyway- he was assigned to drive the commander's vehicle to the wash rack during our last days @ Riley and he did a passable job of getting it clean and prepared for turn in...then the next morning came...I should have known...it hung like a specter...everything went so very well...until...
I asked him for the keys...it was time to turn in the vehicles...I asked him
"Where are the keys?"
" I gave them to you"
" I gave them to SPC HipHop"
"SPC HipHop do you have the keys?"
"No 1SG - haven't seen them since I gave them to SPC ManChild"
"ManChild - where are the keys?!?!"
(looking quite worried) "I *thought* I gave them to someone"
"Find the phucin' keys - like NOW"
sooooo like 10 minutes later (and pushing our SP time) no keys...so we decide that action is the key (pun intended) - now you must understand that Military Tactical vehicles do not have a traditional door or steering lock like on your daddy's Oldsmobile. These vehicles are locked by a simple cable bolted to the frame and wrapped around the steering wheel - then secured with a heavy duty "series 200" military lock. So to open the lock without a key simply required a set of "master keys" commonly referred to as bolt cutters. Fortunately one of the Staff Sergeants had a compact set in his ruck (I am beginning to think that he is a spatial intrusion engineer in his civilian job) so we send SPC ManChild out to cut the lock.
10 minutes pass-
I go outside to make sure that all is well, I walk out to our HMMWV and note that it is still locked and ManCHild is not there - I crank the truck and turn on the lights as it is cold in the pre dawn and I want the truck warmed up for heat - I walk around to find my progeny and I see ManChild tossing debris out of another HMMWV - similar to ours - but SO not ours -
I stop him and ask him what he is doing -
"About to cut the lock"
"On this truck?"
"How about we don't cut the lock on THIS truck - how about we cut the lock on OUR truck?"
"Our truck is *exactly* where you parked it"
I point in the general direction of the truck - and begin to walk away laughing - I get almost back to the building and something tells me to go back -
There is is lumbering along nearly dragging his knuckles - tiny set of bolt cutters in hand and a distinct look of panic in his eyes. He is dashing back and forth trying to find the truck...
"MANCHILD - what are you doing?!?!?!"
"Trying to find the truck 1SG"
"Is it *EXACTLY* where you left it yesterday, hero"
He dashed back and forth in a greater state of panic as I stare at the truck that is running - with the lights on...15 feet from SPC Manchild....I point with a bladed hand at the truck - and shout
"THAT ONE - THE ONE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU - THE ONE WITH THE LIGHTS ON - RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT IT"
he dashes toward the driver's door and passes it - then turns around and comes back and opens it - I again begin to walk away...mistake...
I hear the horn of the HMMWV start to blow - a steady sort of blowing - like on the movies when someone wrecks a car and they use that audio device of the horn steady blowing to illustrate that the driver is dead or dying and has slumped against the wheel - you know - you have seen the A-Team...so I go back to the truck - there is ManChild stuggling with the tiny bolt cutters that are now obviously insufficient. and leaning on the steering wheel -
"ManChild - get off of the horn"
he moves - the horn still blows - his enormous bulk has jammed the horn button "on" - he panics and shuts off the vehicle (which does nothing - the horn and lights are wired separate from the ignition) and the begins to punch buttons in a *very* panicked manner - I reach over and shut of the lights - thus negating the horn...I step out of the vehicle and call for his Platoon Sergeant -
"SSG SQUAREDAWAY - get over here!!"
SSG (P) Squaredaway runs up
"Have an NCO go with ManChild over to the HQ building and get a proper set of bolt cutters."
and off he goes -
He and ManChild ride in a van over to HQ and ManChild is sent into the office to retrieve the bolt cutters. He walking into the orderly room of the training company that "trained" us and stood - mouth agape staring at their 1SG.
"What ManChild - what do you want?"
"Ummmm...i need...ummm....some....bolt cutters..."
"Go see SGT Jackedup over at Battalion - he has them..."
- a pause and then ManChild turns to leave -
"ManChild - do you know where Battalion is?"
"Across the street - building 1811, the one with the flagpole and the tanks in front of it "
- a pause and ManChild turns to leave-
"ManChild - are you sure you got it?"
- the training company 1SG walks ManChild to the door and points out the building. Manchild lumbers off -
after a bit he emerges with the bolt cutters - and finds that the van has long since gone (little did he know that they had parked only 100 meters away in the parking area) - but ManChild spies SFC Geardo and inquires -
"Have you seen a van?"
"You mean the one with SSG Squaredaway driving?"
"Over there" - pointing toward the parking lot where the van is parked - just out of view...
*blank stare* -
Suddenly SPC ManChild dashes off in the direction of the motorpool - not the parking lot - running like some great lummox toward the locked vehicle...
about 10 minutes later - ManChild comes lumbering back with a very large set of bolt cutters -panting - stumbling and clutching those bolt cutters like they were a child in swaddling clothes - looking very much like those videos in which you see of BigFoot running away from the camera (Or a bear...holding a shark...) - except he is running right at us with bolt cutters - it occurred to me that he may actually try to kill and eat me - so I eased over and put the HMMWV between he and I. The other NCO standing there took the cutters from him and seconds later we were moving - end of story.
Wow - that took a bit to write - I will have to fill in more gaps later -
But Quickly - I did reenlist - for another 6..yay me!
LOTS more later
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Posted by: km at August 30, 2010 10:30 PM (yeyN2)
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